It's been a long time. Time to find time.

I'm trying to understand who I am. And being this age, with so many influences isn't helping. I'm starting to wonder if at any age you really know who you are. Are you sure of all these things you preach?
I'm not. I'm afraid. Afraid of so much.

It's hard for me to get and
it just seems to be getting more complicated.
As a child it's just you and family.
Then add the opposite sex...well attraction and romantic relationships.
Along with the need to be right and perfect.
And worrying about what everyone thinks.
Then it's success that takes over, while still trying to be accepted.
Which leads me to drugs and alcohol.
Then I guess Marriage and kids and what all comes with that...not sure i'm not there yet.

I've been thinking a lot about what I want and I don't know.
Somedays it's one thing and
then I change my mind.

I think most people are better without the bad me and I hide when I feel her.
I ruin and am ruined. Who wants that?

I need to work hard and find confidence and become someone else, but where to start and who will this one be?

Cleaning and Organizing tasks.

Lots to do, figured I'd update for my few followers out there.

I've started classes for Fashion Design online and have been learning to deal with my procrastination problems.
It's been a new experience that is helping me grow.

Other than that I am trying to keep my other hoobies/career loves intact. While I am an aspiring fashion designer I am also aspiring to be a Graphic and Jewelry Designer. These are just the things I love and I want to learn as much a possible and hopefully somehow mix all three to make my Career.

I also love photography, reading, writing and am trying to make myself love exercise and healthier food.

So I'm working on a lot and will be trying to post here more often. There will be a great variety of things, hopefully they are all interesting to you.

feel free to lettme know what you think!

Quotes

" Cherish your solitude. Take trains by yourself to places you've never been. Sleep alone under the stars. Learn how to drive a stick shift. Go so far away that you stop being afraid of not coming back. Say no whenever you don't want to do something. Say yes if your instincts are strong, even if everyone around you disagrees. Decide whether you want to be liked or admired. Decide if fitting in is more important than finding out what you're doing here. Believe in kissing."
- Eve Ensler

" Take a moment to breath and think about what you are grateful for."

Life? Love? Addiction?

Oh, how much I just fell in complete love with this movie...and Jake Gyllenhal.

Based on Jamie Reidy's memoir "Hard Sell: The Evolution of a Viagra Salesman."

This is another one of those movies that makes me want to find the book and read it, not moving until it's done.

Anne Hatheways performance was perfectly beautiful as a 26-year-old suffering from parkinson's disease. The disease attacks the nervous system causing termors, rapidity and slow movement and in advanced stages dementia is a common symptom. Normally it shows up around the age of 60, but can have younger onsets.

I felt what Maggie felt, the saddness and the terrified. It was an amazing movie.

Can't get it out of my head, sharing it with you.

I Feel The poofiness & crazy curl of my hair
& I wonder if you'd want to wake up to that mess?
If the small snores I make will make you smile & pull me in closer?
If my many scars will scare you or
make me more uniquely beautiful to you?
If the way I tower in heels will have you treating me like
a freak or a trophy?
Will my random questions & of the wall answers make you
laugh & smile or give me that WTF? look?
Will there even be that chance to give us a shot?
You don't leave my head & I miss the way you used
to look at me.
Things change & time passes but when will I be able to get rid of you?
When will I let you go?


(let me know what ya think)

I'm SOOO sorry.

It's been so long, I can't believe I forgot about this blog.
Never Again.
A lot has changed since This blog was started.
More updating later.
love.Love.LOVE.